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-somethings gotta give. I hate this thing-with this girl- Why can’t shit just be normal again.
I try to pretend like I don’t care. I hope she’s pretending that she don’t care-but I really don’t think she does.
I hate being the sappy guy- that sluggishly lives on potato chips and Mt. Dew-watching cheesy unrealistic love stories-
-She said to me yesterday by accident- do you really think i am cheating on you- and while i shouldn’t have asked her if she was seeing someone already- that was a pretty big mess up on her part- cause now I think she’s still really got feelings for me- I hope she does.
Last night I might have been able to like- i dunno- possibily- eh- probably not-but maybe- hooked up with someone else… More likely I just freaked some people out- but honestly i wouldn’t have been able to seal the deal anyways-
I just think about this girl like 4009900909090billion times a day. stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!!!
I- might be a little insecure- and I know girls don’t like that- they want confidence. When she had that emergancy and left and I assumed she had planned that and was breaking up with me those insecurities showed- she was probably annoyed at the 98749832 text messages and the 9827342834223423 voice mails and the 2342309842342 other times I called and didn’t leave a message. (ok so it more like a doz texts and about 4 voicemails and stuff- but still- I shouldn’t have questioned it) I am almost postitive that is why I got dumped. -the insecurity thing.
It would be easier if she just told me what it was. Maybe she just didn’t like the commitment- or the time i was taking up or the religion difference…
We did talk about that alot. And i am pretty much considering now-still after i got dumped- that maybe this religion thing might be good for me. It does give life a more defined purpose in a way.
I am worried though- am I doing this for me- or to try to get her back? I have thought bout it pretty much since it first came up and I first went to church with her that one time.
I almost joined that church my senior year in HS- but i was a member at another church.
I am not going to lie- I really like the values that this church tries to put in the hearts and minds of it’s members. But then there is some stuff that is pretty hard to believe too.
But really, I have a hard time believeing any relgion whats the difference in this one? How am I supposed to know that what they say is or isn’t true- i wasn’t there when any of this stuff came bout… I never seen jesus- I can’t translate the original text of the bible- I don’t know what was ommited and what was added- How can I honestly say one thing is more true than another.
I think i am doing this for me.
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